Column: Information Station

March 2008

Prayer had been a vital part of my daily life ever since I accepted Jesus Christ as Savior. So when my friend Carla confessed, “I felt so awful that I couldn’t even pray,” I was shocked. Surely, that would never happen to me. But it did.

Years later when my son John called to announce the birth of their new baby, he quickly interrupted my exclamations of joy. The baby had a serious birth defect and probably wouldn’t live long.

Two days later, my husband and I were halfway across the country sitting in a hospital ward holding our infant granddaughter, who was hooked up to machines to keep her alive. A week later, she died.

I didn’t know what to say to the One who allowed Katherine to slip from our hands so quickly. So I simply sat silently before Him.

One day, He spoke inaudibly to my heart.

“Haven’t I always taken care of you?”

“Yes, Lord.”

“Haven’t I proven to be trustworthy?”

“Yes, Lord.”

“Won’t you trust me now?”

I hesitated, then acquiesced. “Yes, Lord.”

Still, I felt tongue-tied when it came time to say personal words to God. While I said I trusted Him, I was reluctant to turn over the business of each day to him. For, in the face of tragedy, it’s a mighty stretch of faith to ask God to intervene in new crises—especially when we’re not pleased with what He did in the last one. “Thy will be done” took more than I had to give.

Finally, I put them in words. “The worst moment of my life was when I watched my son carry the baby’s tiny white coffin to the gravesite…I know her birth defect is the result of sin in this world…But why does it have to be this way? At times like this, I feel as though you have abandon us!” Then I sat in silence again, waiting for a sense of His peace and comfort. Eventually it came—often through a passage of Scripture.

Other times I sang a comforting hymn in my heart to Him, like Amazing Grace. The words reminded me that God had already proven His love when He sacrificed His own Son. Despite what tragedy might imply, His commitment to His children is absolute.

When doubt persisted, I took a walk and looked around at budding trees and flowery lawns and yipping puppies. Every wondrous molecule of creation came from Him. Those times reminded me irrefutable and everlastingly that God is. For, “Since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly see, being understood by the things that are made” (Romans 1:20 NKJV). Not only that, but the Creator is far more beautiful than His creation.

I also remembered that I am a created creature and none of us has all the answers. Nor do we have perfect faith. But God understands and is pleased when, even in the worst circumstances, we do find ways to pray.

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